Let the mean people go away.

A relationship filtration system involves acceptance of one’s self and others as they are.

When you grow up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful home,

you will do things that may appear strange to others until you process the abuse. Like run after people who are mean to you.

Yes run after people who are mean to you.

Maybe, when you were a child, a parent or sister or every person in the family, would be mean and you would block it out, and even dissociate, and then love them as best as you could

to make them love you. So they would stay and take care of you with food and shelter. And stop being mean. Magical thinking that kept you afloat.

So then as an adult, a lover or boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, is mean and you block it out, maybe even dissociate at the moment of being disregarded and dismissed, and you love them for them to love you.

Be gentle with yourself. You are learning, stay with yourself. When he or she or they are mean, stay with it. See it. It’s not your fault. The action is a reflection of them. Not you. Walk away. That’s easier said than done- it’s possible though. Step away from the familiar.

Another method is utilizing EMDR to process the moment of dissociation, when you block out the mean action, so you can process it and remember it’s a reflection of them, not you.

You are lovable.

I promise you.

You don’t need those people in your life. Anymore. They are mean. There is nothing wrong with you. You developed a coping mechanism. A fantasy. That got stuck on repeat. Until the cassette breaks. And we break open. And try something radically new. Therapy.