I teach you both how to become one another’s couples therapist.

As a couples therapist I teach you both how to become one another’s couples therapist. There is a place for listening with empathy, how to attune to one another. Within every complaint there is a longing. So when listening to your partner, all these parts can become activated set aside what you want to say and be curious, there is an opportunity here to build trust.

as Part of you becomes activated,

Take a deep breathe and concentrate on tightening and then relaxing every single muscle in your body. If you begin to feel flooded, defenses have gone up, and then it’s time to take a break and return when you are calm. The goal of the speaker is to use the words “I feel…” the moment we trip a wire into “you” we hit the defense button and land in criticism.

We do a lot of this on autopilot. I come in and direct and encourage and then redirect. I teach you when to take a break and highlight when by accident it’s gone into the language of attack and defense and then we begin again and again and again. And over a relatively short period of time, with these practice sessions you and your partner learn how to make conflict and opportunity to build trust and heal.