Sometimes we project goodness onto people who simply are not.

In an attempt to collapse time, we can create a myopic vision of a person and project goodness onto a someone who simply is not, not due to mental illness (that degrades the mental health field) but because they choose to not be good.

The eerie piece is we may not fully understand how unwell the person is, or sexist or racist or mean, so we stumble upon our own naivety and arrogance. We may feel flooded with shame as we wake up from the daydream. We realize we have been lying to ourselves in order to ameliorate the loneliness.

It is not your fault they are not okay. You have the right to make mistakes, you are not a mistake just because you made one in assuming the best from someone. You must name that they are not well, or you will be the one who feels unwell, and please remember to delineate the 3 C’s, you did not cause it, you can not cure it, and you can not control it. Their degrading behaviors, their coldness, their way of using you is not a reflection of you but of them.

Be gentle with yourself, and remember who you are. You fell and now we get up again. You are stronger than you realize, you are loved and loveable, you are wise.